Another Brick In The Wall
by iamkellylouise
Summary: You know you shouldn't be doing it the minute his lips touch yours but the way his hands are moving up your back and into your hair just feels too good to give a s**t about the possible consequences of sleeping with Mark Sloan. AU 3x07. MerMark.


**A/N: Starts in 3x07. That's all you need to know. Reviews obviously welcome. **

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_Another Brick In The Wall_

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You know you shouldn't be doing it the minute his lips touch yours but the way his hands are moving up your back and into your hair just feels too good to give a shit about the possible consequences of sleeping with Mark Sloan. And you really do forget all about it as he lifts you a little and your legs are around his waist, your back pressed up against the brick wall of the alley behind Joe's. And then he's putting you back on your feet and he's turning you around so your hands are scraping against the rough surface of the wall and your face is pressed against them to muffle the moan you know is going to come, and you know it for certain when he pushes your jeans and panties down to your mid thighs and you hear that sound of his zipper going down, and the rough shove of his pants and boxers. And then his finger dips briefly inside you and it's instantly covered in a wetness that's been building inside you for most of the day. And then one of his hands is on your hip as the other guides him into you, and you groan into your hands as your walls envelope him, and without even looking at it you know it's the biggest you've had.

You don't know how you manage to keep your screams muffled as he slams hard in and out of you, and you mean hard. He's literally gripping onto your flesh to keep you steady and your hands are scraping against the wall for support. And it's probably the thrill of the possibility of getting caught that makes you orgasm faster than you ever have before. And he just keeps going. He keeps going and one orgasm turns into two soon enough. And then he moves a hand to your overly sensitive clit and rubs harshly against it as he thrusts inside you and then as your third orgasm hits you feel his cum spurt against your walls, and you moan what you intended to be his name but sounded more like a mesh of incoherent noises. He slowly pulls out of you before pulling up your panties and jeans and then pulling his boxers and pants back up, and your still breathing heavy against the brick wall. He takes hold of your waist and turns you around so your back is back up against the wall and then he's kissing you again, and you don't even know what to say to him. Thank you wouldn't do it justice. So you just kiss him again. And then once you've both straightened yourselves out you walk back into Joe's like nothing ever happened, and you sit down with your friends as he sits at the bar. And you hope to god nobody notices how flushed you are.

It's a week before you see him in a non-professional context again and you begin to realize that outside against brick walls is going to be your thing. Because suddenly your around the back of the hospital with him and his lips are on your neck and your legs are around his waist and his hands are in your scrubs and he's finger fucking you so hard you think you might break. And when you cum you have to bite down on his shoulder to muffle the scream you get from the most intense orgasm you think you've ever experienced, and you have to get new scrub bottoms from the closest supply closet you can find because for the first time in your life you actually squirt, and you'd feel embarrassed about it if it wasn't so damn good. You thank fuck that you're on the graveyard shift and the hospital is deserted or you'd have some serious questions to answer.

After two more episodes against brick walls, the alley behind Joe's and the hospital again, you decide it's time to head indoors. So you turn up at the door of his hotel room in a trench coat you don't even remember buying. And as he opens the door and asks what you're doing there you pop open the buttons and hold the coat open to reveal your very naked body, and then he's grabbing at you and pulling you in before slamming the door shut. And the coat is soon lost on the floor with your bag as he leads you over to the bed all the while stripping down to all his naked glory. And he's inside you before you can say a word and your legs are bent against your chest and you love that in that room you don't have to stop yourself from screaming in pleasure as he slips in and out of your tight hole. He pulls at your legs so your hips are off the bed and your feet are on his shoulders and his hands grip onto your body as he thrusts hard against you, the tip of his cock hitting your g-spot every single time. And when you cum you moan his name louder than you've ever moaned before and he collapses on top of you, his cum filling you, his lips instantly on yours, and you don't know whether to laugh or cry happy tears at how good you feel. You both call in sick for work the next day. And when you do show up you get some very questioning looks from those who notice the slight pain you get from walking. But nobody even bothers to ask.

You start a routine of heading to his hotel room twice a week. You never use brick walls again but supply closets and on-call rooms do become your greatest friends. And you actually begin to think you have some sort of sex addiction as it's only when that thing that happens once a month stops you from doing it. But you do end up giving him a blow-job or two to get you both through. And as soon as it's over your seeking him out for some kind of sexual activity that will pleasure you. That goes on for 3 months. And then you realize at some point in that time you've forgotten to take your pill and your peeing on a stick and your walking out of the bathroom of his hotel room white as a sheet and he sees the look on your face and the white stick in your hand and he mutters something that sounds like fuck.

You don't speak about it for a week. Mostly because neither of you know what to say. From the calculations in your head you figure you're around 8 weeks. And then your standing in the middle of the bustling surgical floor. And pretty much everyone you know is around you. Mark. Derek. Addison. Cristina. Izzie. George. Alex. Bailey. And something just doesn't feel right. And you let out a small whimper as your stomach clenches. And your standing directly next to Cristina who asks your if you're ok and all you can do is nod. But then your literally crying out in pain and your bent over double and everything starts to spin and you're pretty sure you can feel something trickling down your leg. And Cristina's saying your name over and over and you just can't stand up and the pain gets worse, and the dizziness gets worse and then you're on the floor and everythings black and all you can hear is your name. And it becomes a muffle of your name being said by pretty much everyone to a shout from someone who sounds like Bailey telling everyone to back off and then you hear Mark almost scream for Addison and then you know what's happening. You know what the trickle is. And then you come around your in a bed on the OB wing and you're hooked up to fluids. And you don't even have to ask what happened.

You look to your side and you see Mark fast asleep in the chair by your bed, his eyes red raw, a sizable bruise on his cheek and a bloodied hand. And then you know that the secrets out. And a certain brain surgeon didn't take it well. And you say Mark's name over and over and louder and louder until his eyes flutter open. And then he's kissing you. And your crying. And then he's on the bed with you and he's rocking you back and forth and running his fingers through your hair and you can't believe how much it's effecting you. Because if you're honest you weren't even sure you were going to keep it. Hence the silent week. But you suddenly feel empty. And you don't even hear as Mark turns away every single person who wanted to see you, including Addison who needed to do the routine post-miscarriage checks. You just keep crying until you're too exhausted to keep your eyes open and you fall asleep against his chest.

You wake up hours later to see Mark staring down at you, he simply presses his lips to your forehead and runs his hand against your bare arm. He tells you that you scared the shit out of him. And you say you scared the shit out of yourself. And then he tells you he loves you. And the first thing that comes out of your mouth is, do you love me because you love me or is it because you think you should. All he says is I love you. And then you say it back. And you can't quite believe that 3+ months of what you'd always told yourself was just sex wasn't that at all. And then he's whispering that he's sorry and you tell him not to be stupid, that it wasn't his fault, that it just wasn't meant to be. And then he's kissing you again and you wrap your arms tight around his body, feeling his warmth, his strong muscular frame holding your smaller one. And then you hear a slight cough and Addison's in the doorway and she cuts Mark off before he can tell her to leave and tells him that she really needs to check that everythings ok. So he reluctantly climbs off the bed. And you can't quite look her in the eye. Because you don't want to see the pity. If she's even feeling pity. You imagine she's quite pissed at you for sleeping with yet another one of her exes. But when you do look at her and when she speaks to you you don't get anything but kindness. And she tells you that everything looks good. That she doesn't see why you'll have any problems conceiving again. And then she wishes you well and leaves the room again. And then Mark's back on the bed with you and you're back in his arms.

It's not long before you're friends are in the room, and you have to force Mark to go and get himself something to eat and drink. And after the routine, how are you feeling's and are you ok's it's Cristina who blurts, when the hell were you going to tell us that you're doing Sloan. Which receives a slap on the arm from Izzie and a chuckle from you, Alex and George. And you explain that you'd justified it in your head as just sex so there was nothing really to tell, but going through this together has made you realize that it's so much more than that. And then you ask the question that's been bugging you since you saw Mark's bruises and it's Alex who tells you that he had to pull Derek off Mark as you were being rushed into an exam room. And everyone found out because when Addison asked how do you know she's pregnant Mark said simply that it was because he was the father. And then he was thrown to the floor by Derek's fist and this time he punched back but then Derek pinned him against the wall and Mark was almost in tears begging him to let him go so Alex stepped in and pulled him off. Mark shot away from them and straight to your side. And you're disgusted by Derek's behaviour, because even though you knew he'd be hurt, keeping Mark away from you when you were miscarrying your child was unforgivable.

You're out of the hospital that evening and back at your house. And you're in your sweats and Mark's Yankees jersey on the sofa watching a movie with a tub of ice-cream. And you don't know why but as you get into bed that night and he kisses you and tells you he loves you you're in tears again. Crying for the baby you didn't even get to see on a fuzzy black and white photo. And you have a feeling it's not something you're going to get over at the click of the fingers. You're given the week off but much to the protests of pretty much everyone you know you're back within 3 days. Because health wise you're ok. And maybe mentally you're not all that stable but sitting in that house is just making you think about it so you need something to keep you occupied. And you end up snapping at Mark as he hovers around you all day but you apologize within the minute because you know he's only trying to be there for you, and you know the loss of the baby has hurt him just as much.

You don't see Derek for a week. You have a feeling that everyone around you has been keeping him away from you on purpose. But then you have to be put on his service for the sake of your internship and it doesn't take him long to make a comment about you and Mark. And it happens to be as you're walking into that same bustling surgical floor where you lost your baby. And you flip. You tell him that yes, you're with Mark, and yes you love him, and that he has no right to question you or even talk to you about it. That you're disgusted with the fact that he kept Mark away from you as you lost your baby. As your body was going through hell. As Mark was going through hell. That even with Mark begging him to let him go he didn't let up until Alex had to step in and pull him away. That you will never forgive him for that and you're pretty sure Mark won't either. And your crying. And he's looking more and more ashamed by the second and you just can't stop shouting at him. And then you feel Mark's hand on your shoulder and he's telling you to leave it, that it's not worth it, that you need to breathe, and then you're in his arms and you're sobbing into his chest again and you hear Derek trying to apologize but Mark pulls you away to an on-call room and you fall asleep in his arms.

You reluctantly start seeing the hospital therapist but you find it actually helps to talk to someone. Sometimes on your own. Sometimes with Mark. And it ends up being about so much more than the miscarriage. It's about your parents. Your relationships. Your life. And it helps. Even though Dr Wyatt is a pain in your ass sometimes. And it's 3 months of seeing her once a week before you find yourself truly moving on. And you find that you and Mark are actually pretty good at the relationship thing. And the day your therapy ends Mark moves in to the house. Because what's the point in him paying for a hotel that he's barely been sleeping in when he can have a proper bedroom in a proper house and have a proper live-in relationship for the first time in his life, Addison didn't count.

It's a month later when your mothers rolled into the hospital completely lucid for the first time in 5 years. And you're made to feel like a complete and utter failure. And then she's gone, she's really gone and her ashes are hanging out in the back of your closet. You have a feeling that you'll end up back in therapy at some point because you're slowly slipping back into somewhere dark and twisty and Mark ends up yelling at you to get a grip. And it works. But then your father and his overly chirpy wife are trying to be supportive and you feel like punching them. But then for some reason you end up inviting them for dinner and it seems to go smoothly other than an awkward moment over a photograph and Izzie blowing a fuse. And then you find yourself getting along with Susan Grey and she becomes your kind of mother figure. And then she gets the hiccups. And they don't stop. And then she's in surgery and you're sitting with your father and everything is going to be fine. Until it's not. Because then you're telling said father that his wife died and he's slapping you, and then Mark punches him. But you only hear about that after because you were out of there like a shot.

You're banned from the funeral. You write nothing on your intern exam. And you think it's only because the Chief will always love your mother that got you the chance to retake. And you pass. And then Burke leaves Cristina at the alter and everything you know about love is turned on it's head. And you push Mark away. So much so that you leave him alone for 2 weeks while you go to Hawaii on Cristina's honeymoon. And when you're there you realize there's a big chance that when you get back Mark won't be there. But he is. And you're in his arms and you're saying sorry over and over again and you're crying and you're begging him not to leave and he tells you to stop being stupid, he's not going anywhere, he understands, it's ok, he loves you.

Your first anniversary is when he proposes and it's probably a surprise to both of you that he asked. You're lying in bed in an early morning postcoital bliss, your body flat on top of his, your chin resting in the dip of your hands that lay against his chest. And he simply said, marry me. And you just stared at him for a second, taking in the sincerity in his eyes, the love, and you simply said, yes. He takes you out to buy a ring within the hour. And you're showing it off in the residents lounge that afternoon. And by now you have a kind of relationship with your half sister Lexie and she bonds with Izzie over squealing and wedding plans. And you can't help but maybe love your life just a little. Ok, you love it alot. Even when a certain brain surgeon gives you a look that you know to be either hurt or disgust, you can't make up your mind which. But you find yourself not really caring. Because you have Mark. And Mark is all you need.

You set the date for a year later and it's 6 months in when Christmas comes around. And it's the first one where both you and Mark can get the time off. And then he makes a suggestion. New York. The Shepards. Despite his differences with Derek, they were his family. A family which included a sister who seemed to hate her and the others probably would too. But you say yes. Because he gives you these hurt puppy dog eyes and you can never say no to them. So you find yourself in a rental car driving through the suburbs and you're in front of a huge house with 5 cars parked out front and your heart is thumping harder than you ever thought it could.

Your introduced to everyone as his fiancee and everything is going swimmingly until Nancy shouts out, oh my god it's Derek's slutty intern. And then you're screwed. And because you're pretty sure god hates you Derek turns up within the minute. And you're starting to feel smaller and smaller by the second as you're thrown questions left right and centre and you hear his sisters not so subtly whispering that you broke up Derek's marriage and when he didn't want you you seduced Mark. And Mark hears it too. So he flips. He tells them that Derek's marriage was over before he even slept with Addison. That he wasn't the great husband they all thought he was. He said things about his time in New York with Derek that you didn't even know. And you can't believe how he got away with treating Addison like that for so long.

And then he tells them that it was Derek that screwed up with you too. That he should have told you that he was married. That he let you fall in love with him and then threw it back in your face when Addison turned up. That he played you and Addison against each other for months until prom when yes admittedly you made the mistake of sleeping with him. But then Derek made you choose and you chose Derek, and then Derek left you, again. That you were heartbroken. But then he asked you out. And you didn't even realize you were falling in love until you were. And then it really starts, because Kathleen tries to make a comment about Mark always going for Derek's leftovers, and all the while Derek has the same ashamed look on his face he had when you yelled at him after the miscarriage, and you know it's because he knows what's coming next.

Mark tells them how while you collapsed in the middle of the surgical floor, having a very visibly painful miscarriage, while you were practically unconscious, while you were being rushed off into a room for treatment, Derek was too busy giving him a black eye. That Derek pinned him against a wall to stop him from getting to you, even when he begged, even when he pleaded, even when he screamed that he loved you, that you were losing his child, that he needed to be with you, he wouldn't let up. And if it wasn't for Alex he would never have been able to hold your hand, to hold you, to cry with you. And because of that, Derek was no longer a part of your life. And then there was silence. Silence you never thought was possible from the bustling house you entered hours earlier. And then Derek's mother was slapping him hard around the face. Telling him she was disgusted that he could do such a thing. And Mark's fists are clenched by his sides and you know it's brought up all those feelings you thought you were over. And he's storming out of the back doors and into the garden and he's pacing, even though it's snowy and freezing cold.

You give it a minute before following him out there and your arms are around him within seconds. And he's nuzzling his face into your hair and you both shed small tears. And then you look at him. You cup his face in your hands and you stretch up to kiss him. And you tell him, that as soon as you can, you'll try again. You'll throw every last pill you have straight in the trash and you'll try again. Even if it means having to walk down the aisle with a baby bump. If he wants a baby you'll have one. And then he's kissing you. You walk back into the house with your hands held tightly together, and you curl up together in a huge armchair in front of the fire. And you spend Christmas Eve wrapped up in a blanket right there in that spot. And Mark won't talk to anyone. Only you. And Mrs Shepard brings you both hot chocolate which you have to thank her for. And she tells you she's sorry for the way everyone behaved. That she's sorry for the way that Derek behaved. That it's very clear that you and Mark love each other, that you're happy together, despite everything. You say thank you. You tell her, even though Mark is sat right there with you, that he'll talk in the morning. That he needs time to think. She nods with understanding and she disappears back into the kitchen where everyone else resided. And you swear you hear her yelling at them all. You press a kiss against Mark's temple and you stroke his short hair as you fall asleep.

Your woken the next morning by a stampede of kids, Mrs Shepard following behind, and you can't help but smile when you all go into the kitchen for breakfast and Uncle Mark comes out to play. And you sit at the island drinking juice with the woman who insists you call her Carolyn and you just watch. She says it's always like this on christmas morning. She has the kids wake her up, leaving the parents to get some extra rest, and Mark would always be the first adult down the stairs. And suddenly you're seeing a picture in your head of Mark asleep on the chair you slept in all night with two small children who were the perfect mix of both of you asleep against him. You never thought you'd be the person who dreamt of that.

Amelia is the first of the sisters to come down the stairs. And you think that's probably because she has no kids. She apologizes for her behaviour after a pointed glare from Carolyn and you find yourself getting along with her. Probably because she reminds you a little of Cristina. Elizabeth and her husband James are next in and she apologizes without any prompt and she welcomes you to the family. Mark pretends he isn't listening but you see the smile appear on his face. Kathleen and her husband Mike and Nancy and her husband John all come down together and they both mumble apologies you're pretty sure their husbands have made them say but you don't care, you just nod in acceptance. And you even end up bonding with both women over a joke about Mark being just another one of the kids. And then Mark's chasing you around the kitchen and everyones laughing as he grabs you and you squeal. And everything seems to stop when Derek walks in.

And you literally freeze when he wraps his arms around you and whispers in your ear that he's sorry. You return the hug weakly and nod slightly, he pulls away from you and holds out his hand to Mark who looks at it skeptically. Derek says he knows what he did was unforgivable, he knows he's been nothing but horrible to you both since it all came out but he just wants a chance, a chance to be your friend again. But Mark just stares at the outstretched hand. So you lean to his ear and you whisper, it's time to move on. And then he shakes the hand.

You find yourself actually enjoying christmas for the first time in, ever, as you experience what it's really like when you have a proper family. Mark buys you a new iPod that's already loaded with songs you love because you accidently put yours in the washing machine with your sweats and engraved on the back is, Property of Mrs Meredith Sloan, DO NOT WASH, and you tell him he's 6 months early and he tells you he doesn't even care. You're turned into Aunty Meredith just before dinner is served and you're given wedding planning advice by two 7 year old girls, Laura, Nancy's daughter, and Lucy, Kathleen's daughter, who think you should wear a princess gown and everything should be sparkly. You laugh because that's exactly what Izzie had been trying to persuade you to wear for months, but your dress was already chosen, you even had the picture on your phone. So you show them, tell them that they have to keep it a secret from Uncle Mark, they nod excitably and gasp when they see a picture of you in a simple white column dress. They tell you it's beautiful but you still should have sparkles. You just laugh and say you'll think about it.

You're at dinner when your phone rings and you apologize over and over, and when you say it's your sister they force you to answer, because christmastime is family time. So your sat at the dinner table on your cell and you're pretty sure everyone around you can hear all of your friends shouting down the phone at you. And then Izzie's asking you about what flavor cake you want at the wedding and what flowers will go best with your dress and you tell her it's really not the time to be thinking about the wedding. And at the word wedding the two 7 year olds who had been planning it ever since you showed them the dress are looking at you with wide eyes and their plates are long empty so you tell Izzie to listen to these two little experts you found out in New York and you pass the phone over. And then you tell everyone you're friend Izzie has the imagination of a 7 year old when it comes to weddings and you're pretty sure everything is going to be pink and puffy and sparkly and everything you never wanted but you'll love anyway because it was Izzie who did it. Those two 7 year olds end up being your flower girls. And you come to the conclusion that in one way or another all 14 of the Shepard offspring will have some sort of role to play. You'll leave that up to Izzie.

You actually make it up to a bed that evening but before that you end up reading Laura, Lucy, and 3 other small children a bedtime story. Something you never, ever, thought you'd do. And then Lucy asks you if you'll ever have a baby with her Uncle Mark, and you say yes, you hope so. And then you're tucking them in and kissing their foreheads and they're saying goodnight Aunty Meredith and your grinning all the way back to the bedroom you're sharing with Mark, and he asks you what the smile is for, and you just kiss him and say I love you and then you're asleep in his arms. You wake up in the early hours of the morning and your mouth is as dry as sandpaper so you make your way down to the kitchen quietly and almost jump out of your skin when you see Derek sat at the island with a mug of hot chocolate. He laughs a little at you and says sorry before telling you he couldn't sleep. You pour yourself a glass of water and sit next to him, and you prepare yourself for the first proper conversation with Derek Shepard in 18+ months.

He starts by saying he's sorry, again, and you accept it, again. And then he tells you how great you are with the kids, and that he's a little surprised. And you laugh and say you're surprised too. He tells you you'd be a good Mom, and you tell him you're going to start trying, and then you tell him you're scared. You're scared of having another miscarriage despite what Addison told you. You're scared that you won't be good at the Mom thing. You're scared of failing. And he tells you that everyones scared. That every single time one of his sisters got pregnant he'd get a call off them where they'd be screaming and crying down the phone at him because they were petrified they were doing the wrong thing. You ask, even Nancy and Kathleen. And he laughs and says yes. And then you laugh. You decide it's time to go back to bed when you look at the clock and realize you've been sat there for 30 minutes and you have to be up to catch your flight in less than 4 hours, so you hug him, you say goodbye, and then you get back into bed and you snuggle into your fiancees body. And for the first time in all the days of you being there you know that everything is going to be ok.

As soon as you're back in Seattle you're off the pill and in the sheets, and once against the brick wall in the alley behind Joe's for old times sake. Except this time it's not rough and full of want. It's tender. It's your leg resting on his hip as he kisses your neck. It's slow deep thrusts and moans of each others names. It's an orgasm that rips through your body as his cum spurts deep inside you. It's lips never parting until you have to pull your pants back up. It's going home and starting all over again. It's Cristina laughing at you when you walk into the residents lounge in obvious pain. And you tell her to shut up. Your trying to make a baby. It's hard work. And she just laughs at you again.

It takes 3 months for you to get pregnant and 8 weeks to realize it and you figure that at the wedding you'll be 3 months gone and your dress probably won't need that much adjusting. But you make sure Izzie has the dressmaker on her speed dial for any last minute dramas. You make it past the 9 week stage, the stage where you had the miscarriage and you can't help but maybe think it's going to stick this time. And the weeks just keep on clocking up. You call Addison at some point and tell her that she doesn't have to, if it's too awkward, but she's welcome to come to the wedding, she says yes, and congratulates you on the baby, and even offers to fly out to Seattle when you're due so she can deliver it, and you can't help but smile and say yes. And then you warn her about the fact that her ex nieces and nephews are all in some way in the wedding so that means their moms and dads and of course Mrs Shepard will be there. She simply says, screw them, Nancy and Amelia still like me, I can deal with it. And you laugh and say ok, and then you're hanging up and you're on your way to your first ultrasound.

Your shaking as you lie back on the exam table. Mark holds your small hand in his larger one. And he kisses it over and over as the gel is squeezed on to your stomach. And you close your eyes so tightly and then you hear a heartbeat. A strong, healthy, 10 week old heartbeat. And Mark kisses your hand again and tells you to look. And you open your eyes. And for the first time you see the image of your baby. And the OB points out the heartbeat and tells you that everything looks perfect. And you have tears in your eyes. And you blink a little and they fall down your cheeks. And Mark stands up and kisses them away before kissing your lips softly and whispering I love you into your mouth. You walk out of that room hand in hand with an envelope full of ultrasound pictures. And the biggest smiles on your faces.

Before you know it it's 2 weeks later and your house is overflowing with people. Every single member of the Shepard family. All your friends. Pretty much everyone that's going to be involved in the wedding is crammed in there. And you decide that the women will stay at the house for your very sober bachelorette party, much to Cristina's disgust, while the men can go out and play. Addison turns up just after the younger kids have been put to sleep in Izzie and Alex's rooms. And it's awkward for a little while, especially with Carolyn, Kathleen and Elizabeth. But she just gets on with it in her Addison way and settles into the group, and everything seems to go well.

It doesn't take long for Cristina to spill embarrassing stories about you and your all laughing so loudly you're surprised the kids don't wake up. And then Alex comes back to get his cell and he sees Addison and he literally freezes. And you all look between each other curiously. And he says something about noticing that she went missing and being sorry for being a jerk and that he's undeniably completely and totally in love with her, and you swear everyone is choking on their drinks, apart from Callie who just grins knowingly. And then Addison's out of her seat and she's kissing him hard on the lips and then she hits him and tells him that she still hates him, but then she kisses him again, and then she tells him she loves him too. And then Alex is saying he should go so they kiss again and he leaves. And when she takes her place next to Callie she takes some money from her purse and hands it over to her and Callie's bragging that she knew she was right. And then Addison tells you the story of her and Alex and you can't believe you never found out that they had a thing.

The rest of the night flies by and you end up discussing a birthing plan with Addison which is basically to get it out of you as quickly as possible before you ban Mark from sex. And then Izzie makes you show everyone the dress which you know you shouldn't do but everyone in the room, except for Cristina who still hates weddings and is only there because she's your person, begs you to show them. And it's the same dress that you showed to Laura and Lucy on your phone but just for them the top part of the bodice has been covered in tiny sparkles. But you flat out refused to have a horse drawn carriage and pink decorations, that was taking it too far. You discuss the issue of name change and you say you don't care how confusing it gets at the hospital, you'll be Mrs Sloan until the day you die. Plus, your iPod already has it engraved on the back and there's no room to put Grey-Sloan on there. And you say it's for the baby too, you want to be a family of Sloan's.

The night comes to an end in the early hours and everyone settles down to sleep, you, Cristina and Izzie all share a bed, Addison and Callie head back to the hotel, and the Shepard women all have the pleasure of sleeping on the sofas and the living room floor. You were expecting all sorts of complaints from Nancy and Kathleen but you swear Cristina spiked their drinks because they were out like lights almost instantly. And you apologize to Carolyn for the sleeping arrangements but she just says for you to stop worrying, she wants to be there, and she's in no doubt that the kids will wake up at a ridiculous hour and you need to sleep for as long as possible. You say your goodnights and then you lie in bed with your girls and you stay up for an extra hour talking about your hospital life. You don't think you'll ever find better friends than them.

When you wake up the next morning Izzie's already gone, and you can just imagine her rushing around downstairs trying to get everyone in order for that afternoon. And just as you're about to get up she bursts through the door and pushes Cristina out of the bed to wake her up. You have to hold Cristina back from killing her. When you get downstairs you're dodging the 9 nieces and 5 nephews you've acquired as they run around every room of your house and you thank the lord Mark suggested it was best to hide anything valuable or sentimental before they came because you swear you hear something break. You're too happy to care.

You feel a little sick as you stand in the church waiting to make your way down the aisle and you think it's partially down to the baby growing inside you but mostly down to nerves. And then the doors open and your flower girls are making their way down the aisle and they're followed by Lexie, then Izzie, then Cristina, and then it's your turn. You take a deep breath and your heart is thumping hard inside your chest as you take the steps towards your man who has a huge grin on his face. He kisses you on the cheek as you turn to him and take his hands and then it starts, your wedding.

You make your own vows. He talks about fresh starts and the future you're making. You tell him he saved you. That you just couldn't live without him. That you can't wait until the moment you hold your baby in your arms and start the family you never thought you'd have but want so much because of him. You're shaking as you exchange rings and then you're pronounced man and wife and he's kissing you like there's no tomorrow and you shed a few tears which you blame on your hormones and you walk back down the aisle hand in hand with your husband.

You didn't ever think you'd get there. When you were having hot sex against that brick wall, you didn't think it would lead to where you were. You're happier than you ever thought possible. You have a boy. And he's perfect. In your eyes, he's perfect. And Mark is there every step of the way, through every push and every scream he's there. And straight away he's a great father. Everyone sees it. And you actually find yourself getting used to being a mother. And you think, you're actually pretty good at it.

By the time your 10th wedding anniversary comes around you've added 2 more kids to your family. A daughter came 3 years after your son, and another son came 2 years after that. You're one big crazy family at Seattle Grace. Callie and George. Addison and Alex. Cristina and the trauma surgeon Owen who joined the gang months after your wedding. The one that shocked you all, Izzie and Derek. Lexie finds love in Jackson Avery, one of the Mercy West transfers when Seattle Grace is put through a merger in your 5th year of marriage. You love that you're now a family girl. Something you didn't think you'd ever be. You do the thanksgivings and the christmases and the birthday parties. And you have a feeling you'll end up with one more baby before you get Mark to have the snip. He asks you why you can't just get sterilized, and you simply reply, if I have to suffer through labor the least you can do is get a vasectomy. He groans in reply and you simply laugh.

When you're feeling old Mark makes a point of getting Izzie and Derek to babysit and he takes you out for dinner and drinks at Joe's. And the majority of the time you end up back at that brick wall in the alley. And you're that dirty little intern again. You think you're kids, if they ever found out, which you hope to god they won't, would think some horrible things of you. But it's just something you do. He's the love of your life. Mark Sloan. He's the love of your life. And you know that will never change. And you never regret a thing. Even having hot sex against brick walls.

**End.**


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